


Don't Take Me for Granite

by nychus



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: All the Geology Puns, Fluff, Gen, Geology Puns, I'm not sorry, Ignis Fluff Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 18:20:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nychus/pseuds/nychus
Summary: Ignis knows ALL the geology puns





	Don't Take Me for Granite

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6: Puns/"That is hardly appropriate."
> 
> One of the best things about geology is the puns. We have the best puns. We have so many puns. I stayed with geology only, cuz I could have just as much fun within the fossil world :D (Hallucinaginia anyone?)
> 
> Bit of a dictionary in the end notes.
> 
> Fun fact: Saying "Subduction leads to Orogeny" at the Thanksgiving table amongst family is a no-no.

They found themselves once again at the foot of Ravatough. At least this time they were thankful that they wouldn’t need to actually climb the volcano. Rather, they were to take out some wyverns that were harassing the locals. Again. It always seemed to by wyverns here.

“Oh, hey! Look at this cool rock!” Prompto said, going over to what much have been the only not black lava rock in the area.

Ignis followed to see what Prompto had spotted. His response was, “Gneiss,” before looking around the area for other samples of the banded rock.

“Yeah. Such a nice rock to see in all this blackness.”

Ignis chuckled. “No, gneiss is the type of rock. Easy to distinguish due to its banding,” Ignis pointed to the various dark and light lines on the rock in Prompto’s hand. “It’s odd to find a metamorphic rock here though. I would think it’d be only scoria.”

“Guess I _scoria_ ’d big time, didn’t I?” Prompto laughed.

A disgruntled moan escaped Noctis’s mouth as he glared at Prompto. “Why? Why did you have to do that? Now we won’t hear the end of it!”

“End of what?”

“Ignore his highness, he’s never appreciated geology humor,” Ignis said, not missing the fact the glare was now focused on him. “Come, let’s keep moving, the wyvern nest should be just over those rocks.”

The group continued on in silence other than the occasional grunt or grumble due to the ever shifting rocks they were walking over. More than once someone slipped, fell, and cut something on the sharp edges of the scoria. Thankfully it was mostly clothes that got ripped and not skin, but it was still painful to feel.

The tipster was a little off in the location of the current wyvern nest, it was farther along the volcano than was thought, which meant they were unlikely to get back to the Regalia before nightfall. Fortunately they knew of a haven nearby which is what they headed for after defeating the wyverns.

“I hope that’s the last of them,” Gladio said as he let his great sword fall back into the Armiger.

“Indeed. A hunter could make a living right here if these beasts keep coming back,” Ignis said. “This is what, the fourth time we’ve been here?”

“Maybe we should just stay until Cid gets the boat fixed,” Noctis said.

Prompto was quick to shoot that down. He had no desire to stay next to an active volcano, no matter how unlikely it was to erupt. He also preferred the greenery, he said. Black got dull after a while.

As they scrambled towards the haven, Gladio stopped and picked up an orange-ish rock. “Hey, here’s another odd rock,” he said, tossing it to Ignis.

It was hardly in his hands when Ignis smiled, “ _Siliclastic_ , thinking you’re volcanic.”

The looks he garnered made him roll his eyes as he tossed it back to Gladio.

“Sandstone. A clastic rock made mostly of silica. I wonder where it came from.”

The glare from Noctis was back, but the prince didn’t say anything.

Several minutes later, Ignis laughed. “I guess _schist_ happens.” He then bent and picked up a very shiny rock.

“Ignis, stop,” Noctis said.

“ _Garnet_ , Noct, can’t I have my fun?” Ignis asked before pointing out the large garnet crystals to Prompto and Gladio who were somewhat interested in the odd rock among the black.

“I will disown you.”

“I would _diorite_ if you did.”

“IGNIS!”

Gladio and Prompto exchanged amused looks.

“I think I like geology humor,” Prompto said.

“It _rocks_ ,” Gladio added.

“No, no, no. Don’t say that!” Noctis cried. “Do you know how many of these damn things I had to listen to when he had that geology course? I swear all he learned was how to make terrible puns!”

“Oh, be kind, Highness. At least my _faults_ are _normal_. I could be a little _wacke_.”

With a groan that was loud enough to reach Lestallum, Noctis stomped off, leaving the other three laughing behind. As soon as he saw the haven, he warped over to it, pulled out a chair and sat down with a huff.

Perhaps the hissy fit that Noctis had thrown had caused the others to calm down. Or maybe they got it all out of their systems because they were quiet when the joined Noctis at the haven and only talked as they were getting things set up and Ignis was asking about dinner. The prince was overly grateful.

 

Dinner was spent speculating on the continued wyvern presence and the source of the odd rocks they had found why they were out there. Ignis eventually wondered if some geologist or rock hound started making room in their pack by tossing out rocks. Everyone was glad to be able to sit and not have to deal with scratching themselves up on sharp lava rock. Ignis considered going ahead with clothes mending, but decided to wait since they would have to cross the rubble again in the morning.

With dinner consumed and cleared away, the four pulled out their phones to play King’s Knight while indulging a bottle of beer. They rarely drank, even a little, but it seemed like a good evening to do so; a reward for not twisting any ankles on their journey.

It was Ignis that set his phone aside first. It usually was. The others grumbled, but he just couldn’t stay focused on the game for too long.

Standing and stretching, he said, “Noct?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you care to join me behind that outcrop?”

All three heads shot up to look at Ignis, his face showing no hint as to why he would ask that.

“Uh…why?”

“Because, I’ll be a little _boulder_.”

“IGNIS!” Noctis yelled while the other two snickered.

“I’ll show you how to make the _bedrock_.”

“STOP.”

“Bet I’ll have you _cummingtonite_.”

“NO! STOP! UGH! I’M GOING TO BED.” Noctis exclaimed. He was so angry when he stood and turned to go into the tent that he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and stumbled a bit on the foot of his chair. He let a few choice words fly before disappearing into the tent.

“Always knew he was a lightweight,” Gladio laughed.

“I’M NOT DRUNK,” came an annoyed shout.

“Don’t blame him,” Ignis said, “because of _quartz_ he’s a _natrolite_.”

There was a lot of unnecessary rustling coming from the tent before they heard Noctis lay down heavily with a loud “HUMPH.” The three still around the fire got a good laugh out of his attitude.

“Perhaps I should ease off. He’s under enough _strain_ and I really don’t want him to _fold_ under the _pressure_.”

“Your geology pun game is amazing,” Prompto said. “Who knew there were so many puns!”

“My geology professor said that one of the best things about the science was the humor. I don’t think I ever believed her until just now,” Ignis smirked.

“You sure did princess to glow bright red,” Gladio remarked.

“Well, the best puns are always the dirtiest.”

“Agreed!” Prompto said. He then looked at his phone. “Guess we’re through with this for the night.”

Ignis frowned. “Ah, apologies on ruining the knightly game, but I had to indulge. I’m especially sad because I couldn’t start on my _subduction_ , which, we all know, leads to _orogenies_. And a good _orogeny_ does bring about a lot of _relief_.”

“I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!”

Once again, the three around the fire were laughing hard and Gladio had to ask if there were any more that Ignis could bring up.

“I could probably think of a few, but the last one off the top of my head really only works when speaking to a lady,” Ignis answered after some thought. “The line is: I’ll show you my _hardness_ if you show me your _cleavage_.”

“I’m so gonna use that next time I—”

“Gladiolus, that is hardly appropriate!” Ignis admonished to Gladio’s laughter.

“Dude, I think I need to take geology just to understand what all these things really mean. Hardness? Cleavage?” Prompto said, ignoring the snickering Gladio.

“Mineral properties. How hard is the mineral, obviously. Cleavage is how the mineral preferentially breaks.” Prompto still looked a bit confused and Ignis promised him that cleavage was apparently the bane of many geologists.

The clear, warm night allowed the men to sit and enjoy the night sky for as long as they wished before one by one they headed into the tent to sleep. Ignis was the last to retire, which also wasn’t unusual. He took every opportunity he got to watch the stars and was loathed to leave them for sleep.

To his surprise, when he finally turned in and settled into his sleeping bag, Noctis leaned in and whispered, “I hate you.”

A quiet snort and he replied, “And I _lava_ you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Definitions:  
> Gniess: a banded metamorphic rock (pronounced “nice”)
> 
> Scoria: a dark volcanic rock. Full of holes (popped air bubbles). If you’ve ever seen lava rock in a garden, scoria
> 
> Siliclastic: explained, but for the pun, Ignis would have pronounced it “Silly-Clastic” as opposed to “Seh-lis-seh-clastic” which is how it’s actually pronounced (and actually spelled siliciclastic, but we often misspell it for some reason)
> 
> Schist: very shiny metamorphic rock. Gone grade down from gneiss (add more heat/pressure to schist you get gneiss). Often seen with garnets in them
> 
> Diorite: a black and white volcanic rock. AKA salt and pepper rock or Dalmatian rock
> 
> Faults: movement in rocks, one variety is normal faults
> 
> Wacke: Sedimentary rock with lots of mud and sand. (pronounced “whacky”)
> 
> Cummingtonite: clay mineral named for some town called Cummington.
> 
> Quartz: very common mineral
> 
> Natrolite: a very needly mineral
> 
> Subduction: one tectonic plate being pulled into the earth
> 
> Orogeny: mountain building event
> 
> Relief: height differences in the landscape. High mountains would equal a lot of relief.
> 
> Cleavage: explained, but think of it as taking a mineral, smashing it with a hammer, and getting the same shape of the mineral over and over again instead of random shapes/shards. That’s cleavage.


End file.
